Thursday, March 13, 2014

Beyond Heaven with Daniel Ausema

If there was a heaven specially designed for writers, what would it look like?
I have to admit this isn't a question I'd really put much thought in before it being posed. My first thought is a flippant, “Coffee!” Unlimited, no bad side-effects, and endless options for source of beans, how it's brewed, and with or without any additions, as you wish at any given time. In Spain they sell a coffee called café bombón, which is espresso with sweetened condensed milk. I wouldn't want that every time I drink coffee, but I'd want that as an option, you know?

More seriously, I begin to think of my surroundings. I'm very affected by the natural setting around me and love to be out in the mountains or the forests and taking in everything I can see, touch, smell. So definitely a forested mountainside full of hiking trails, a place where many types of wildlife come together, where every curve of the path reveals some new spark for my imagination. Old, abandoned pioneer cabins. Rocky streams cutting down the mountainside, the sound of water much greater than any distant traffic. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Wait a moment. Coffee, mountains, and streams...I'm afraid I feel a song coming on. So with all due apologies, I present to you:

The Writers' Story Mountain
One evening as the sun went down
And a brand new file was loading,
Down the stairs came my muse a-floating,
And she said, “Listen, I'm done goading
I'm headed for a land that's far away
Besides the fresh ink fountains
So come with me, we'll go and see
The Writers' Story Mountain

In the Writers' Story Mountain,
There's a land that's fair and bright,
Where the plot twists grow on bushes
And you dream-write every night.
Where the editors all need stories
And the prose shines every day
On the nouns and the verbs
And the sketchy adverbs
The rhythmic swings
Where the narrative sings
In the Writers' Story Mountain.

In the Writers' Story Mountain
The publishers give you a raise
And the gatekeepers all have rubber stamps
And the critics lay on the praise
The Amazon reviews are full of stars
And the stories spark a craze
Oh I'm bound to walk
Where the chores don't squawk
Where the prose don't trip
And inner critics don't talk
In the Writers' Story Mountain.

In the Writers' Story Mountain
You never have writer's block
And the little streams of local beers
Come trickling down the rock
The reviewers have to tip their hats
And the bookstores stock your books
There's a lake of Dew
And of coffee too
You can paddle all around it
In a big canoe
In the Writers' Story Mountain.”

I'll see you all this coming fall
In the Writers' Story Mountain.

I've deliberately left off one verse from the original (the one about the jails made of tin), to see if anyone wants to make their own parody of that one...or any completely original verses for that matter. Come up with something, and share it in the comments!

PS I see in Brynn MacNab's post from Feb. 25 on this same subject that she mentions waterfalls of iced tea. We can totally make room for that on the mountain as well.

Daniel Ausema is the creator of the Spire City serial fiction project. His short stories and poems have appeared in Penumbra, Daily Science Fiction, The Journal of Unlikely Stories, and many other places. He has worked as a journalist and educator and is currently a stay-at-home dad. He lives in Colorado, where May blizzards, September floods, and summer wildfires engage in a never-ending war.

Learn more about Dan on his website Twigs and Brambles.

To read excerpts from any of Daniel Ausema's Musa Publishing work, please click HERE.


Arley Cole/ Leigh Daley said...

LOL! Love the tribute to one of my old favorites! This is really a fun blog series. I absolutely agree with you on the waterfall of iced tea. . . and chocolate.

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